Accepting Uncertainty in My 20s 💜

Story about August slipped away into moment in time. 

August was meaningful
"Came with a bunch of questions, got the reveal of answers"

    One month actualize the next months. I always asking myself what's wrong when you can't handle something. Dealing with your trauma, filtering your expectation, and letting go someone who don't deserve you were toughest. Battling with yourself everyday, until you realized mental health was priceless. Apply so many things ; scholarship, KampusMerdeka internship program, PMMB BUMN internship, private sector internship—BUT IT'S NOT YOUR TURN. In the beginning, you were realized that nothing supposed to do in Life. Things don't always work out well, but we have faced it.

KGIC 2021 Results

Sometimes I trapped on my negative thoughts, being so much sorrowful cause all the plan messed up. When you try your best and the best not good enough, how disappointing. Not everything we want will come true, maybe that the price for hereafter ; high credit to happily ever after in afterlife. As Allah SWT said in Baqarah verse 155-157

"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient (155) Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return (156) Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided (157).

I should intensify my faiths to Allah; maybe that's the price I'll get afterlife.

    This writing intended to reflect what happened in my life when which so unimaginable. I got so many life-lesson from Depok and Jakarta. After managing my responsibility as Project Officer in Career Talk IMASIP FIB UI, I did some activities such as preparation for a debate competition, book review, course from UC Davis, and closed with travelling around Jakarta. I tried to do many things, whether FOMO (Fear of missing out) or self-progressing.

    Lemme give my disclaimer that I start august with less energy. I felt so exhausted after doing so many things like the final exam and evaluation in late July. Entirely, I began August focused on preparation for debate competition OIM FIB. It took about 1 week, and thanks to Mbak Rahmi as our kindly best ever supervisor. My teammates didn't have former experience in debate, but thanks God they were qualified. We're very insecure because the opponents are so excellent that they were debaters and winners at the province level or have previous tremendous experience in debate. All praises to Allah because we can feel the semifinal session; although we didn't get top 3 (actually 4th place), we can kill our limitations. We can break the insecurities, broaden our perspective about motion, and learn so many things in debate; we got so much trigger in critical and creative thinking. At the end of the day, I realized that winner only just a bonus—seeing my teams through a lot of processes was more than enough 💛

    The debate was over, I began the others. Guess what?!

    Becoming a speaker to review books in RK's Monthly Agenda. The books I reviewed about leadership and self-development, written by Prof. Rhenald. However, I had such limited time to reread; such odd finished it within 1 week. The book was so insightful. If you wanna comprehensively know about leadership, this's the answer. The book gives 101 tools to levitate yourself; All the stuff that you need. I was so nervous and not good enough to review the book because I'm not a leader in any organization. Compared to all RK awardee's, they so more more more capable than me. However, fake it till make it, I've done with the book. I delivered like whatever; trying my best, but still relax and enjoy the time 😎

    Before I tell another story, lemme spill the tea that August my first experience joined online course. I enrolled Introduction to Google SEO BY the University of California Davis. Made me mesmerized, full of English and foreign lectures. God bless, I Got 92.00 of 100. I learned so many terms, whole fundamentals in SEO. Follow the course if you're interested. Here's the link | Introduction to Google SEO |

    Last but not least, this is my healing experience In Jakarta. I stayed for some days in my friend's home, so homey; it was unforgettable moments. I learned so many life lessons. Nothing such as a blessed time when all the loneliness blurred out. Being not alone caused others felt the same. Letting go someone who doesn't deserve you made life more realistic, more alive. I got so much love from others, never believed they would do it. I with my friend only went to traditional market and McD but felt differences in my life. I don't really care about all the exhausted agenda that made me insane (sometimes), blessed for little things but deep and matters.

    I turned back again with TransJakarta from Kampung Melayu to Depok. Absolutely so random, lol. So much chilling because I did my self-travel; Saw Bundaran HI, Kuningan, and Sudirman Area. Singing in my head Lorde song "We live in city, you'll never see on screen." Moreover, I felt so much better about myself.

    I was planning to visit my home university before turning back to my hometown. I was mesmerized sense the air, the place. I throwback my 1st year before pandemic, which was so alive. So what's next? Count my blessing, do something remarkable and memorable. Have a live life to the fullest, cheers🙂